Why You Shouldn’t Chase After Those Who Leave | Teachings of the Buddha
In life, we experience various kinds of “farewells.” Whether it’s parting with a cherished partner, a close friend moving far away, or a colleague leaving the workplace, such moments often leave a gaping void in our hearts. Watching someone leave, we may find ourselves regretting, thinking, “Why couldn’t I stop them?”
However, the teachings of Buddhism do not necessarily encourage us to “chase after those who leave.” On the contrary, Buddhism emphasizes the importance of letting go and accepting such moments as a natural part of life. In this script, we will explore why you shouldn’t chase after those who leave, based on the wisdom of Buddhist teachings.
What Is “Connection” in Buddhism?
In Buddhism, all encounters and partings are said to occur because of “connection.” Connection refers to the interdependence of all things, where events are intricately linked and influence one another. For instance, meeting someone and spending time together is the result of various circumstances, choices, and unseen threads of fate intertwining.
Yet, every connection has a beginning and an end. This is explained in Buddhism through the teaching of “impermanence.” Everything is in a constant state of change, and nothing remains forever. Human relationships are no exception—where there is a meeting, there will eventually be a parting.
The Suffering Born from Attachment
When faced with farewells, we often feel strong attachment. “I want to stay together longer,” or “I need to hold on to them”—these emotions are natural. However, in Buddhism, attachment is considered a source of suffering.
Attachment is the excessive reliance on or clinging to people or things. This manifests in actions like chasing after those who leave, which can ultimately harm both ourselves and the other person. For instance, trying to hold on to someone who wants to leave might strain the relationship further. Moreover, it can tether our minds to the past, causing us to miss new opportunities and chances for growth.
A Tale from Ancient India: The Importance of Connection
Let me share a story from the ancient Indian Buddhist center of learning, the Nalanda Monastery. This story beautifully illustrates the wisdom of not chasing after those who leave.
At Nalanda, countless scholars and monks gathered to study the teachings of Buddhism. Among them was a revered monk named Ashvajit. Many disciples flocked to him, eager to learn his teachings.
Two notable disciples of Ashvajit were Vishnu and Devadatta. Vishnu was gentle, curious, and deeply interested in the study of herbal medicine, hoping to heal and comfort people. Devadatta, on the other hand, valued tradition and believed that rigorous practice was the sole path to enlightenment.
One day, Vishnu decided to leave Nalanda to pursue a path that integrated herbal medicine with Buddhist teachings. Devadatta strongly opposed his decision, declaring, “That strays from the true path of Buddhism!”
Ashvajit calmly addressed his disciples, saying:
“The bonds between people are like the flow of the Ganges River. We meet when we are meant to meet, and we part when it is time to part. It is neither good nor bad—it is simply the way of things.”
His words encouraged Vishnu to follow his chosen path, and eventually, even the other disciples came to accept his decision.
Growth Through Acceptance of Farewells
In Buddhism, accepting farewells is not an act of resignation but an opportunity for self-growth. Clinging to past relationships prevents us from discovering new connections and possibilities.
For example, after leaving Nalanda, Vishnu deepened his knowledge of herbal medicine and became widely known as a healer who brought hope and relief to many. Devadatta, meanwhile, stayed at Nalanda, upholding traditional Buddhist teachings and guiding fellow monks.
Though they walked different paths, when they reunited, they respected each other’s journeys and shared the universal truths of Buddhism. This story shows that choosing different paths does not mean conflict but can lead to new forms of connection.
Choosing Not to Chase Those Who Leave
Not chasing those who leave is an act of respecting the other person’s choice and focusing on your own growth. Farewells encourage introspection and open doors to new opportunities.
Buddhism emphasizes living in the “here and now.” By not dwelling on the past or excessively worrying about the future, we can fully embrace the present moment. This mindset helps us develop the strength to accept partings with grace.
Conclusion
The reason you shouldn’t chase those who leave lies in respecting the natural flow of connections and letting go of attachments, allowing for personal growth. Although partings are painful, the lessons and new encounters they bring are essential steps toward a fulfilling life.
Finally, cherish the connections you have now. When the time comes to part, accept it with gratitude, seeing it as part of life’s natural flow. This is the wisdom Buddhism offers for living a rich and meaningful life.
Thank you for watching till the end. May you find happiness and peace in all your connections.