How Do You Respond When You’re Looked Down On? The Power of Strength That Doesn’t Need to Win — Lessons from Buddhism
Introduction: For Those Who Carry Unspoken Frustration
In everyday life, we sometimes feel looked down upon—at work, at home, or even through a passing comment on social media. A single remark or glance can leave us with a deep, lingering sense of hurt:
“Why did they speak to me like that?”
“Am I really that worthless?”
We often stay silent, unable to respond, allowing anger or shame to fester inside. If you’ve ever felt this way, this article is for you.
Today, we’ll explore a powerful Buddhist teaching that helps us respond—not with anger or submission, but with wisdom and strength. It’s the strength of not needing to win.
A Story: One Quiet Phrase That Turned the Tables
Yujirō, a retired 60-year-old man, joined a local history club after leaving his job as a trusted general affairs manager. One day during a discussion, a young member named Tajima made a belittling comment:
“Your knowledge is a bit shallow, isn’t it?”
The room went silent. Yujirō felt anger welling up inside. But then, he remembered a verse from the Buddha:
“Hatred is never appeased by hatred. Hatred is only appeased by non-hatred. This is an eternal law.”
Instead of retaliating, Yujirō calmly replied:
“I see. Would you mind sharing more of your thoughts? I’m still learning and would appreciate your perspective.”
That one sentence changed the atmosphere. Instead of escalating the tension, his humility invited dialogue. Even Tajima began to soften.
The Buddhist View of Arrogance (Mana): What Lies Behind the Need to Look Down on Others?
In Buddhism, the tendency to look down on others is a function of the mind called “Mana” (pride or conceit). It often masks deeper feelings of insecurity.
One particularly subtle form is “False Superiority” (zōjō-mana)—the belief that one has already reached a level of understanding or wisdom, leading to unconscious arrogance.
Tajima’s remark was likely driven by this—using knowledge as a shield to hide his own anxieties or lack of self-worth.
The Power of Patience (Nin-niku): Not Silence, But Transcendence
A core Buddhist virtue is “Nin-niku”, often translated as “forbearance” or “endurance.” But it doesn’t mean simply putting up with things. It means enduring without anger, through understanding.
Yujirō’s reply wasn’t passive—it was filled with mindful awareness and strength. He chose not to lower himself, nor to diminish Tajima. This is true patience with wisdom.
Words Carry Karma: It’s Not What You Say, But How You Say It
Buddhism teaches that words are a form of karma. Every word we speak leaves an imprint—on others and on ourselves.
Tajima’s words caused harm—not just to Yujirō, but to the entire group atmosphere. Yujirō’s words, on the other hand, diffused tension and invited mutual respect. His was a healing word.
The Buddha described four conditions for right speech:
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Is it true?
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Is it kind?
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Is it beneficial?
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Is it timely?
Yujirō’s words met all four. That’s why they became a bridge, not a sword.
When You’re Looked Down On, Choose the “Winless Victory”
Buddhism offers a third way in conflict—not to win or lose, but to transcend the battlefield entirely.
The Buddha said:
“Victory breeds hatred. The defeated live in pain. Peace comes to one who neither defeats nor is defeated.”
When we try to win an argument, we stir up more animosity. When we stay silent, we may feel we’ve lost. But with wisdom, we can rise above the need for either.
When you respond without anger and without submission, you’re no longer being looked down on. You’re standing on higher ground.
Why Do People Look Down on Others? The Root Is the Desire to Be Loved
Buddhism identifies three core poisons of the mind:
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Greed (Tonn)
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Anger (Jinn)
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Ignorance (Chi)
The act of looking down on others is often driven by a mix of these. In particular, the craving to be recognized, valued, or superior is called “Craving Attachment” (Katsui).
By putting others down, we temporarily feel higher. But that feeling is fleeting—and leads to an endless loop of comparison and dissatisfaction.
Compassion as a Form of Power: To Understand Is the Strongest Response
At the heart of Buddhism lies compassion (Jihi):
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“Ji” is the wish for others to be happy.
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“Hi” is the desire to ease their suffering.
Yujirō showed compassion not by preaching or correcting, but by listening. He saw Tajima’s arrogance not as something to punish, but something to understand.
The Buddha once said:
“If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong?”
Insults are the same. You don’t have to accept them. You can choose to leave them where they belong—with the giver.
Conclusion: Your One Word Can Change the World
It’s easy to respond to contempt with anger. It’s just as easy to stay silent and suffer. But Buddhism teaches us a third path—to respond with understanding, clarity, and strength.
“True strength is not in defeating others, but in calming the storm within and around us.”
So next time someone looks down on you, be like Yujirō. Choose a single, mindful word that uplifts rather than divides.
Let your strength be quiet. Let your wisdom speak.
Today, were you able to interact without looking down on anyone?
And when someone looked down on you, were you ready to respond not with anger, but with understanding?