“3 Things You Should Never Say, 3 Things You Should Never Do, and 3 Types of People You Should Avoid After 60: Wisdom from Kōbō-Daishi Kōbai”
As we age, especially after the age of 60, many of us face significant transitions in life. It could be the retirement from our long-standing careers, the end of raising children, or simply stepping into a new phase of life. With this new stage often comes a desire for clarity and guidance—how do we want to spend the years ahead? What lessons from our past can help us approach the future with wisdom?
At this point in life, we look for wisdom that can illuminate our path, and one such source is the teachings of Kōbō-Daishi, also known as Kōbai, a prominent figure in Japanese history and Buddhism. He was the founder of the Shingon sect of Buddhism and left behind a profound legacy not only in religion but also in culture and philosophy.
In this article, we will explore three things Kōbō-Daishi’s wisdom advises us to never say, three things to avoid doing, and three types of people to avoid associating with after 60. By following these teachings, we can make the most of the time we have left and live a life full of meaning, peace, and purpose.
1. 3 Things You Should Never Say After 60
As we grow older, we naturally accumulate experiences and wisdom. However, with that comes the risk of speaking without thinking, uttering words that may have more harm than benefit. Kōbō-Daishi taught that words hold power—whether they uplift or create negativity. Here are three things to avoid saying as we enter our senior years:
1.1 “The Past Was Better”
It’s common to reminisce about our younger days, remembering times when life seemed simpler, people were more energetic, or the world felt more vibrant. These nostalgic thoughts are natural, but constantly saying, “The past was better” can cause us to dismiss the present and future. Kōbō-Daishi often emphasized the importance of living in the present, for it is the only time we truly have.
While it’s beneficial to learn from the past, it’s crucial not to be stuck in it. Focus on how you can live your life to its fullest today. Kōbō-Daishi taught that this moment, now, is the one we should cherish and give our full attention to.
1.2 “I’m Too Old for That”
As we age, it can be easy to believe that our best years are behind us. We might feel that we’re too old to try something new or take on new challenges. This mindset limits us. Kōbō-Daishi’s teachings remind us that age should not be a barrier to growth. Each moment offers a new opportunity for learning and transformation.
Rather than telling yourself that you’re too old for something, believe in the potential that each day brings. There is always room for growth and new experiences.
1.3 “That Person Will Never Change”
As we grow older, we often encounter people whose actions or attitudes we find difficult to understand. It’s easy to form judgments, especially when we believe we know what is right. Kōbō-Daishi, who mentored countless disciples, understood that everyone has the potential for change and growth. When we label others as incapable of change, we shut down the possibility for them to grow—and we limit our own capacity to understand them.
Instead of judging, maintain an open mind and a compassionate heart. You never know the challenges someone might be going through or the growth they may experience. Trust in the potential of others, just as Kōbō-Daishi did.
2. 3 Things You Should Never Do After 60
As we age, physical and environmental changes require us to adapt. It’s vital to let go of unhelpful habits and behaviors that drain us and focus on what truly matters. Kōbō-Daishi’s teachings offer insight on how to refine and conserve energy for what is truly important. Here are three things to avoid doing after 60:
2.1 Don’t Push Yourself Too Hard
When we’re young, we can handle physical and mental challenges with relative ease. But as we age, it becomes clear that we can’t push ourselves to the same limits. Kōbō-Daishi’s life was one of intense focus and dedication, but it was always with purpose. He didn’t overexert himself without reason.
It’s important to recognize when you need rest and when it’s time to step back. Rather than pushing through fatigue, focus on what truly matters and prioritize quality over quantity. You don’t need to keep up the pace you once had—listen to your body and honor its needs.
2.2 Don’t Waste Time in Superficial Relationships
As we grow older, we realize that not every relationship in our lives is meaningful. Some connections remain simply out of habit, not because they add value to our well-being. Kōbō-Daishi cultivated meaningful relationships with those who shared his values and vision. As we age, we must prioritize these kinds of relationships and avoid the ones that don’t nourish us.
Now is the time to ask yourself: Which relationships bring value to your life? Which ones drain you? Let go of those that no longer serve you and focus on those that uplift, encourage, and support your growth.
2.3 Don’t Overexpose Yourself to Negative Information
We live in a world where negativity seems to dominate the media, social networks, and even everyday conversations. Consuming too much of this negativity can affect your emotional and mental well-being. Kōbō-Daishi understood the importance of mental clarity and peace, often practicing meditation and self-reflection to maintain inner harmony.
As we age, it’s crucial to protect our mental health by limiting exposure to harmful content. Seek out uplifting and enriching information instead. Whether it’s reading positive books, watching inspiring programs, or spending time in nature, ensure that you are feeding your mind and soul with positivity.
3. 3 Types of People You Should Avoid Associating With After 60
The people we surround ourselves with can greatly impact our quality of life, especially as we age. Kōbō-Daishi understood the importance of building relationships based on mutual respect and kindness. Here are three types of people you should avoid after 60:
3.1 The Chronic Complainer
We all have times when we need to vent or express frustration, but some people make complaining a habit. If you find yourself constantly surrounded by negativity—whether it’s about work, family, or life in general—these conversations can bring you down. Kōbō-Daishi’s teachings emphasize compassion, but also the importance of protecting one’s peace.
Distance yourself from chronic complainers. Seek out relationships that bring positivity and mutual support, rather than draining your energy with constant negativity.
3.2 The User
There are people who only seek your company when they need something—whether it’s your time, resources, or connections. They might seem friendly at first, but their true motives are self-serving. Kōbō-Daishi always treated others with respect and saw the value in reciprocal, genuine relationships.
Beware of those who take but never give. Surround yourself with people who share their time, energy, and love freely. Healthy relationships are based on mutual care and respect.
3.3 The Controller
As we age, we become more certain about who we are and how we want to live. However, some people will try to impose their beliefs and values on us, especially when they feel they know what’s best for us. Kōbō-Daishi embraced diversity and understood that each person’s path is unique.
It’s crucial to maintain your autonomy and set boundaries with those who try to control your decisions. Respect yourself enough to distance yourself from those who would try to dictate how you should live.
Turning 60 is a powerful moment—a time to reflect, reevaluate, and step into the next phase of life with purpose. By following Kōbō-Daishi’s wisdom, we can shed unnecessary baggage and embrace the life we deserve. Let go of negative thoughts, habits, and people, and instead focus on what truly matters: the present moment, meaningful relationships, and a life lived with purpose.
By focusing on these principles, you can live your best life after 60, experiencing peace, joy, and fulfillment at every step.