Title:The Value of Being Disliked! Kōbō-Daishi’s Guide to the “Courage to Be Disliked”
Hello, and welcome to Teachings of Kūkai. Today's theme is "The Courage to Be Disliked." In modern society, many people live their lives worrying about how others perceive them. As a result, they suppress their true selves and conform to others' expectations. But does this lead to genuine happiness?
In this video, we will explore the importance of having the courage to be disliked, based on the teachings of Kōbō-Daishi, Kūkai. From a Buddhist perspective, our preoccupation with how others see us stems from attachments and fears within ourselves. By understanding and overcoming these emotions, we can find freedom and live authentically.
By the end of this video, you’ll gain valuable insights into how to live according to your values, free from the fear of others’ opinions. Let’s begin with our first key point.
The Mechanism Behind Fearing Others' Judgments
The fear of being judged by others is deeply rooted in human instincts. In social living, caring about others’ opinions is somewhat necessary. However, Buddhism identifies this as “attachment.” Clinging to others’ judgments causes us to lose sight of our intrinsic value, leading to anxiety and stress.
Buddhism introduces the concept of the “Eight Winds.” These are eight emotions or events that shake our minds: gain, loss, praise, blame, pleasure, pain, honor, and disgrace. The fear of being judged falls under the winds of “blame” and “disgrace.” Conversely, seeking “praise” and “honor” can also bind us.
For example, in the workplace, you might suppress your opinions to please colleagues or superiors. While this may seem to promote harmony, it often means sacrificing your true self. Buddhism refers to this as the “path of delusion,” where external circumstances dominate our lives, leaving us disconnected from our inner selves.
Nurturing the “Courage to Be Disliked” from a Buddhist Perspective
One of Kūkai’s teachings, “Sokushin Jōbutsu” (Becoming Buddha in This Lifetime), emphasizes that every individual holds the potential to become enlightened at this moment. This realization liberates us from dependence on others’ evaluations.
Understanding that we are inherently valuable allows us to overcome the need for validation from others. This self-awareness weakens the grip of external judgments on our emotions.
Additionally, Kūkai’s practice of “Sanmitsu” (The Three Mysteries) offers a way to align our daily lives. Sanmitsu involves harmonizing body, speech, and mind, which helps us maintain inner peace. Applying this to relationships, we can:
- Body (Action): Reflect on whether your actions align with your values rather than others’ expectations.
- Speech: Ensure your words genuinely reflect your beliefs.
- Mind: Question whether your fear of rejection controls your thoughts.
By practicing these principles, you can cultivate a lifestyle free from the influence of external evaluations.
Developing the Virtue of “Patience”
Buddhism upholds patience (Ninniku) as a virtue. Patience is the ability to endure challenges and criticism while remaining steadfast in one’s beliefs.
For example, when criticized or disliked, rather than changing your behavior to appease others, it is crucial to calmly uphold your values. In Kūkai’s teachings, acts of generosity (Fuse) encourage altruistic actions without expecting anything in return. This mindset helps us transcend concern over others’ opinions.
Practical Steps to Overcome Fear of Rejection
Incorporate small steps into your daily life to express your true self. For example, practice sharing your honest opinions during conversations or meetings. While this may feel daunting initially, it becomes more comfortable over time, helping you embrace your authenticity.
The Buddhist concept of the “Middle Way” (Chūdō) emphasizes balance and avoiding extremes. Ignoring rejection entirely may lead to selfish behavior, while prioritizing others’ approval might suppress your true self. Striking this balance allows you to respect others while staying true to your principles.
Conclusion
Having the courage to be disliked may seem like a challenging concept. However, incorporating Buddhist wisdom can gradually alleviate the fear of others’ judgments, enabling a value-driven, authentic life. By practicing Kūkai’s teachings, such as the Three Mysteries and patience, you can cultivate a solid inner foundation that leads to true freedom and peace.
Thank you for reading until the end. If you found today’s content helpful, please give this post a thumbs-up and subscribe to our channel. Your support helps us bring the wisdom of Buddhism to more people. Until next time, may your heart be calm and serene. Thank you.
