How to Live Without Creating Suffering: Buddhist Tips for Reducing Stress and Worry

Introduction

Our daily lives are full of struggles—work stress, strained relationships, expectations we place on ourselves, and the fear of failure. All of these can weigh us down and make life feel like a burden.

In Buddhism, it's taught that much of our suffering is self-created. That is, it's not the external events themselves that cause us pain, but our reaction to them—our interpretations and attachments.

In this article, based on the teachings of Theravāda Buddhist monk Ven. Alubomulle Sumanasara, we’ll explore practical ways to live without creating unnecessary suffering.

Suffering Arises From Within

Consider a parent who shares the following concern:
“My child is in junior high school and is constantly yelled at by the club advisor. He used to be cheerful, but now his face is gloomy every day. I’m so heartbroken and don’t know what to do.”

It’s natural to feel sad and angry in such situations. But Ven. Sumanasara points out:
“It’s a problem that the child is suffering, but the parent’s suffering—feeling like they must fix it—is additional suffering.”

There is a clear distinction between what’s happening and how we respond to it. Often, our suffering comes not from events themselves but from our reactions to those events.

Focus on Your Reaction, Not Just the Problem

In Buddhism, reactive emotions that disturb our mind are called “kilesa” or defilements. For example, being insulted leads to anger not because of the insult itself, but because of how we choose to respond.

By not reacting impulsively, we can avoid generating further suffering.

Ven. Sumanasara advises, “Raise your voice collectively if needed—seek justice through proper channels. But beyond that, understand that the person causing harm may be mentally unwell. Approach with compassion, not hatred.”

Break Free From “Musts”

Modern life is full of “I must” or “I should” beliefs:
“I must meditate.” “I have to succeed.” “I should be better.”

These beliefs are often self-imposed and create internal pressure. Ironically, even the desire to stop suffering can become a new source of suffering.

Humans are naturally prone to addiction—not just to substances, but to emotions and ideals. Even the desire to be moral or hardworking can become an attachment that binds us.

Live by the Law of Cause and Effect

A core teaching in Buddhism is the principle of cause and effect. Every result has a cause, but we can only control our own actions—not how the world responds.

Say you go to a store to buy grilled meat, only to find it sold out. You can’t get upset about what’s unavailable. You simply choose from what’s there. That’s acceptance. That’s reality.

Know Yourself to Transform

Living without creating suffering means becoming aware of your own patterns. What do you cling to? What beliefs are tying you down?

Through meditation and self-observation, we can try saying, “Just for today, I won’t follow this old habit.” And from that small act of will, transformation begins.

Conclusion

While we can’t eliminate all suffering, we can avoid creating unnecessary pain. Buddhism offers us both the wisdom and the tools to do so.

When we stop reacting with fear or anger, when we stop punishing ourselves with “musts,” life becomes lighter, more peaceful.

May you be free from the suffering you don’t need. May you live with more ease, clarity, and compassion—starting now.