- The Art of Letting Go: How to Live Freely Without Being Controlled by Others or Your Health – Teachings of Kūkai
- Introduction
- Who Was Kūkai?
- What Does It Mean to Let Others Be?
- Why You Shouldn’t Judge Everything Through Your Own Lens
- Letting Go as a Sign of Respect
- Letting Go of Health-Related Anxiety
- Practical Steps to Let Go
- Conclusion
The Art of Letting Go: How to Live Freely Without Being Controlled by Others or Your Health – Teachings of Kūkai
Introduction
Do you ever feel like you’re constantly worrying about what others think or how your body feels? Many of us spend too much time and energy being concerned about our family, friends, and even our own health, which often robs us of inner peace.
We interpret small gestures from loved ones as signs of rejection or fixate on minor physical discomforts, turning them into significant anxieties. However, the wisdom of Kūkai, the founder of Shingon Buddhism, teaches us a powerful lesson—learning to let go can set us free.
Letting go does not mean neglecting responsibilities or being indifferent. Instead, it means respecting others’ paths, taking care of ourselves without excessive attachment, and trusting that everything unfolds as it should.
In this article, we will explore how to live more freely by embracing the wisdom of Kūkai.
Who Was Kūkai?
Kūkai, also known as Kōbō-Daishi, was a legendary Buddhist monk, poet, and calligrapher who lived during the early Heian period in Japan. He introduced Shingon Buddhism, a form of esoteric Buddhism, after studying in China and spent his life spreading its profound teachings.
One of his most powerful teachings is the phrase:
"Sangai yūshin shogen" (三界唯一心所現)
Which means, "Everything in the three realms is a projection of the mind."
In other words, the world we experience is shaped by our own thoughts and perceptions. Our suffering does not come from external events but from how we interpret them.
By shifting our mindset, we can free ourselves from unnecessary suffering.
What Does It Mean to Let Others Be?
Letting others be is often misunderstood as being indifferent. But in reality, it means respecting others’ journeys and not trying to control them.
Many people struggle with the desire to change their loved ones. We worry about our children’s futures, our partner’s habits, or our friends’ decisions. But no matter how much we care, we cannot control other people’s choices.
Trying to control others often leads to unnecessary conflict, stress, and emotional exhaustion. Instead, taking a step back and saying, "This is their path to walk," brings relief and strengthens relationships.
The Benefits of Letting Go in Relationships
By letting go of control, you:
- Free yourself from constant frustration.
- Give others the space to grow.
- Create healthier and more respectful relationships.
Imagine a parent constantly worrying about their adult child’s career choices. If they keep pressuring them, it creates resentment. But if they trust their child’s journey, it builds a relationship based on respect rather than control.
Letting go is not neglecting—it’s having faith in others’ abilities to navigate their own lives.
Why You Shouldn’t Judge Everything Through Your Own Lens
Most of our suffering comes from judgment.
We label things as good or bad, right or wrong, based on our own values and experiences. However, these judgments are not absolute truths—they are personal perceptions.
For example, if a family member speaks harshly, we might immediately think, "They are rude and don’t care about me." But what if they are struggling with their own worries? What if their harsh words are not about us at all?
By stepping back and realizing that our interpretations are not facts, we reduce unnecessary emotional pain.
How to Stop Judging Too Quickly
- Pause before reacting. Instead of immediately labeling something as bad, ask yourself, "Is this really true, or is it just my interpretation?"
- Try to understand the other person’s perspective. People act based on their own experiences—sometimes they are struggling too.
- Let go of the need to be ‘right.’ Being right is often less important than maintaining inner peace.
When we judge less, we suffer less.
Letting Go as a Sign of Respect
Letting others be is one of the greatest signs of respect.
When we constantly interfere in others’ lives, we are indirectly saying, "I don’t trust you to make the right choices." This can weaken relationships rather than strengthen them.
Especially in families, excessive involvement can feel like love, but it often becomes a burden. Parents who try to control their grown children, or friends who always give unsolicited advice, may believe they are helping—but they are actually taking away the other person’s independence.
How to Show Respect While Letting Go
Instead of controlling, try:
- Supporting without forcing. Offer advice only when asked.
- Trusting others to find their own way. Even if they fail, they will learn from it.
- Being present without overstepping. People appreciate emotional support more than control.
Letting go is not abandonment—it’s a deeper form of love and respect.
Letting Go of Health-Related Anxiety
Many people worry excessively about their health.
A small ache becomes a sign of a terrible disease. A slight cough turns into a fear of severe illness. This anxiety often makes health issues feel worse than they actually are.
Kūkai’s teaching, "Everything is a projection of the mind," applies to this too. When we overly focus on pain or discomfort, we amplify it. The mind creates stress, which can negatively affect the body.
How to Let Go of Excessive Health Anxiety
- Focus on what you can control. Eat well, exercise, and get regular checkups.
- Avoid worst-case thinking. Most small health issues are not life-threatening.
- Stay present. Instead of fearing the future, take care of your body today.
By managing our thoughts, we can improve not only our mental well-being but also our physical health.
Practical Steps to Let Go
Now that we understand the power of letting go, here are practical steps to apply this wisdom in daily life:
- Set boundaries. Ask yourself, "Is this my problem, or someone else’s?" If it’s someone else’s issue, don’t take it on as your own.
- Take a step back. If you find yourself emotionally overwhelmed, pause and observe your thoughts before reacting.
- Monitor your emotions. If you feel anxious or irritated, ask yourself, "Is this my judgment creating stress?" Often, it is.
- Practice self-care. When you prioritize your well-being, it becomes easier to let go of unnecessary worries.
Letting go is a skill. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.
Conclusion
The teachings of Kūkai remind us that our experience of life is shaped by our mind.
By letting go of unnecessary worries about others and our health, we free ourselves to live more peacefully. We respect others’ journeys, embrace life’s uncertainties, and focus on what we can truly control.
If you find yourself stressed, ask:
"Am I trying to control something that is not mine to control?"
Simply shifting this mindset can bring incredible peace.
By embracing the wisdom of letting go, we can live with more ease, joy, and freedom.
